Winehouse hitches a ride to the asylum

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
First off, let me start by saying I now know what a chicken looks like running with its head cut off. Chimpanzees look at Amy Winehouse and say, “how primitive.” And I for one am sure I saw the image of Winehouse’s body last night floating in the toilet. I should point out it WAS ‘Taco Tuesday’. Anyways, these images were taken of Winehouse last night. Apparently while walking home with her dad the voices in Amy’s head inspired her to pull a Forest Gump and run. She sprinted awkwardly away from the papz into oncoming traffic and then flagged down a civilian driving a convertible. She jumped into the vehicle with the grace of a special olympian and left the scene only to arrive at her house an hour later. No word yet on whether her father made it back home, however, the driver was seen abandoning his car where he then proceeded to light himself on fire, or so I’m told.

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Ali and Dina Lohan visit LA–not welcome

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Just when you thought it was safe to go to the beach, Ali and Dina Lohan reared their ugly heads. The two fame leaches visited Malibu beach today in hopes of stealing some of Lindsey’s press. But no one steals from Lindsay. Rumor has it Lindsay is forming a counter strike as we speak. We don’t know many of the details but apparently a call was made to Kim Jong-Il and an alliance is brewing.

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Never thought I’d say this about Anna but…she could pack on a few

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
While running Nautica’s SouthBeach Triathalon yesterday, Anna Kournikova looked like a beaten Ethiopian child. Seriously Anna, stop the race and head straight to the nearest Dunkin’ Donuts. I don’t know if you’re angry at your parents, or the society, or just at men in general but quit the charade. It is not empowering for a woman to do this to herself. It’s just a shame. If the good lord graced me with a rocking body like yours I wouldn’t run. I’d sit at home and make sex video tapes of myself all day. And if that’s not the American dream then my Uncle Jeb lied. But nobody I ever knew would dare call that alcoholic a liar. Not Uncle Jeb.

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Patrick Swayze smokes 3 packs a day

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Leo:
I apologize if you think the above photo is bad form. It’s not meant to be funny, it’s meant to be send a poignant message. Smoking is the cause of one-third of all pancreatic cancer deaths; Patrick Swayze smokes 3 packs a day. . .

“Life sure has a sick sense of humor, doesn’t it?”

-Patrick Swayze in Point Break

Stay strong Swayze, you’re in our prayers. Plus, chicks still need a Ghost 2 and guys need a Point Break 2

Michelle Willliams speaks out about Heath Ledger’s tragic death

Michelle Williams has issued a public statement regarding Heath Ledger’s sad passing,

“Please respect our need to grieve privately. My heart is broken. I am the mother of the most tender-hearted, high-spirited, beautiful little girl who is the spitting image of her father. All that I can cling to is his presence inside her that reveals itself every day. His family and I watch Matilda as she whispers to trees, hugs animals, and takes steps two at a time, and we know that he is with us still. She will be brought up with the best.”