Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I know what you’re all thinking. This photo rocks. It does so little yet says so much. It’s as if I summed up Paris’ entire life in one derobing. Your welcome internet. Look at her. You’re looking at woman that would auction off an entire village of Rwandan children if she thought it could get her a new pair of Dior sunglasses. But lets not kid ourselves, Paris doesn’t need the money. It’s more likely she would eat the Rwandan kids for a little PR. I can see the add now for her bid to be the next president of the United States. Rwandan cannibal, or presidential hopeful?? You decide.
Bob ‘The Bitch’: Paris Hilton’s juggs are like the mutant villain Mystique. They’re in a constant state of change–like the weather. I don’t know what she stuffs her bra with but my guess is either a tuba or a bag of Tonka trucks. Either way, they’re about as legit as the statement that ‘I HAD SEX with Megan Fox last week.’ And if you believe that I don’t blame you. I often wonder why wouldn’t the world’s hottest girl have sex with the world’s most eligible bachelor 25 years running. God I’m depressed. DIET COKE!!!
Bob ‘The Bitch’: Katy Perry + leather pants = gravy train. If only she had brought out the fun bags we could’ve tagged on some biscuit wheels to go with that train. But that’s the world we live in. You know say what you will about Katy Perry, but don’t tell me the girl isn’t fun. She looks like the kind of girl that would try to arm wrestle me and then would piss in the men’s bathroom standing up with one leg over the urinal. Just a Tom Boy that loves to get her freak on. And I for one say, ‘Yes.’ I condone this sexy can-do attitude and look forward seeing what Perry gives me in the future. But for now we’ll have to settle for the skin tight leather pants at the 2009 Brit Awards.
Bob ‘The Bitch’:
My Gran Pappy Winston MJ. McCormick used to tell me as a young boy, “Women of that beauty are always worth paying attention to–but by God, Bitch, that doesn’t mean they’re worth listening to.” Of course, however, he was pointing to a stray cow at the time. But his words never left me none the less. So if you want to take a look at Nicole Scherzinger in this months issue of FHM, by all means do. But in the wake of a great man’s wisdom save yourself the trouble and avert your eyes from the evil temptress’ words. Godspeed fellas.
Bob ‘The Bitch’:
If anyone ever wondered what Batman was like on his downtime, this would be your answer. I believe you would find his behavior in the dictionary under neo-Nazism. Or to the layman–fiery douchebag. And that hurts me to say, believe me. I watched Batman Begins 138 times the week it came out on DVD, and that was only cause I was busy that week. But when you lose your gourd on the director of photography on the set of your new movie, uttering the F-word 37 times in 3 minutes 45 seconds, people tend to take notice. Specifically the DP and his little sound guy buddies who recorded the whole thing. You think after that day they didn’t whisper to each other, “I got that sh#t on tape…whoops.” Huh, Christian, I guess those production guys actually care for one another. In fact, I think when they want to say f#$k you back they are capable of doing it in a big way. Score one for the little man. The internet, ahhh, dip your toes in it folks. It is glorious.
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