Derober

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John:
Page Six may just have the best article ever. It seems that since his divorce, Bill Murray has been quite the party boy. He recently showed up at a random college party in Williamsburg at 3:30 am. And that’s just the beginning of it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, when somebody asks you if Bill Murray is a god, you say yes!
As the story goes,

At around 3:30 on the morning after Halloween, two dozen twentysomething hipsters linger at a loft party in East Williamsburg. The kegs are dry, but die-hard stragglers are still dancing drunkenly in the main room. Dave Summers, a 29-year-old grad student at the Bank Street College of Education and one of the party’s hosts, has dressed as a cloud for the night—his baby-blue T-shirt and baseball cap covered in dozens of white cotton balls. While several guests have come as Sarah Palin, one is in a furry yellow duck costume. Another is Bill Murray’s character from the 1980 film Caddyshack.

Suddenly, one of Dave’s guests runs over to tell him: “The real Bill Murray just walked in the door.”

“You’re joking,” Dave scoffs.

“No, really, he’s here.”

Continue Reading: Bill Murray will crash your party

Comments (6)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
OK, that’s a lie. Drinking and driving isn’t safe at all. You know the dangerous thing about drinking and driving isn’t that the driver is drunk; it’s dangerous because the drunk driver happens to be…driving. Driving a whole car none the less. In Shia Labeouf’s case, a whole pick up truck. But in the spirit of being a huge celebrity Shia went big by flipping his Ford F-150 several times after being t-boned by some sober driver who was probably like WTF man! According to TMZ,

A witness tells us he heard a loud crash around 245 AM, then the sound of Shia’s truck rolling over. The witness said he heard what he thought was a girl screaming “F**k,” among other things. When he got down to scene, Shia was already out of the car and the female riding with him was crawling out of the drivers side of the truck. The truck was smoking, making noise and still running. The driver of the other car was also out of the car by this time. Shia and the female stood over by a wall while people were checking to see if everyone was okay. The witness said unlike most of the wrecks he’s seen in the dangerous intersection, no one was cursing or yelling at each other. There were no breathalyzers or tests done at the scene.

Oh and I failed to mention that Shia was T-boned because he pulled in front of the poor guy while making a left turn (smart). Shia’s felony DUI charges have already been reduced to a misdomeaner, however, the cops all stood in line to shake Shia’s hand when they found all the dead clowns in the back of his pick up truck. When asked to comment on the pile of dead clowns Shia simply said, “just doing my part as a decent citizen. And if you’re curious, yes, I will be selling the clown remains later today on e-bay.”

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Darby Gunpowder:
Clownshoes Bob. Simply clownshoes. I just hope the police officers didn’t accidentally take Shia to the woman’s jail for his girly name; it’d be a shame to miss out on meeting all those West Hollywood Jamaican Trannies that were arrested earlier in the evening for selling their weird bodies for sex.

Update: During an appearance on David Letterman’s the “Late Show,” LaBeouf joked about the pharmacy incident: “Drinking and driving is one thing, but drinking and shopping … it’s just as bad.”
Well put dickhead…

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Darby Gunpowder:
For everyone who cruised into work today feeling like they had drank a little too much over the weekend, you’re not alone -Lindsey HoHan was seen jack-hammered drunk at a club in NYC. It’s about time grandma got her groove back on. According to People magazine, one source at the club says HoHan was,

“tossing her hair around and doing full-body-rolls – even throwing her hands in the air.”

Her cocktail of choice was the usual Greygoose and Redbull, but judging by her hair-banging and jaw-nashing, Derober will deduct that she encountered a blizzard of coke at some point in the night. And what on God’s good-green-earth is a “full-body-roll”?! I don’t know if I’m more furious at Lindsey for doing full-body-rolls, or the fact that some douchbag (or douchebagette) used the word full-body-roll in a sentence. And do you believe Lindsey threw her hands in the air…that’s insane!

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Dee:
That’s right, Barron Hilton, Paris’ 18 year old brother was pulled over in Malibu at 8:30 AM just wasted.

This was AFTER he pulled into a 76 station and hit a gas station attendant, Fernando Pellez, with his car.

“I was knocked to the ground,” Pellez claims. “The Mercedes lost control as it was turning into the gas station and Barron got out of the car and he was totally drunk and couldn’t walk straight.”

Instead of having Barron recite the alphebet as a sobriety test, the police asked him to spell the word, “LAWSUIT.” Barron answered by spelling the word “FOURTHMEALTACOBELL. ”

John:
There are a number of problems I see here. The first of which is naming your child Barron. Literally translated Barron means Bully Target. Second, we all know the Easter Bunny has had a problem holding his liquor for years and he had a hand in this somehow. Third, midgets don’t exist. Everybody knows that. Also, his actual mugshot is below!

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Comments (3)

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Dee:
P-Diddy, or Sean Jean as he wants to be called now, was seen orbiting grinding an unknown woman at a NYC club this weekend.
We don’t know who the new flavor is, but Puffy sure likes the taste of it.

Leo:
Maybe he’s product testing the plus size division of his clothing company, Sean Jean. That man is always working…

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