Derober

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Darby Gunpowder:
Well, well, well -it looks like ol’ Heather Locklear was setup on her recent DUI. The tattle-tale who called 911 to report Heather was former Us Weekly staffer Jill Ishkanian who was under FBI investigation for hacking Us computers to locate celebrities. TMZ reports:

“When Heather got in her car, Ishkanian called 911, even though the car wasn’t even moving at the time.
Now get this — sources say immediately after Ishkanian called 911, she called a paparazzi agency to give them the heads up Heather was about to be popped. TMZ obtained those photos, not knowing it was Ishkanian who set the ball in motion.
And it gets worse. Ishkanian apparently is the only witness who says Lockelear was driving erratically and that she was drunk, even though it’s already established she was not under the influence of alcohol.

Dear Jill Ishkanian,
You are a devil-woman and will pay for messing with King Cougar, Heather Locklear. We have managed to rustle up Jill’s personal email address and cell phone just in case any Locklear fans want to say hello:

jillishk@gmail.com
312-519-7817

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Darby Gunpowder:
King cougar, Heather Locklear was arrested over the weekend for driving under the influence…but no alcohol was involved. The Melrose Place star seemed to have taken a few too many uppers, downers, jumpers, squeakers and Flinstones vitamins before deciding to join other motorists for a Sunday drive. Judging by the mugshot, home-girl lost a bet at a party and had to take 13 shots of 5-hour energy. Instead of jail she was probably taken to the LA Zoo and locked up with the monkeys where she could burn off some energy by dodging projectile shit. According the NYPost.com:

“Locklear, 47, was booked for suspicion of driving, while high on prescription drugs on Saturday before she made bail out of the Santa Barbara County Jail at about 11:30 p.m., authorities said.

The Santa Barbara County Sheriff released a mug shot of the fried actress, with running mascara and dark roots showing through her bleached blonde hair.

The actress was in the filthy rich community of Montecito at about 4:30 p.m., when she caught the attention of a concerned driver, cops said.

“She [Locklear] was observed by a citizen pulling out of a parking lot and the woman [witness] thought she [Locklear] was driving really erratically,” CHP spokesman Tom Marhsall said.

“She [the witness] didn’t know who she [the driver] was.”

The witness called 911 after spotting Locklear stopping and getting out her car several times within a few minutes, according to cops.

When an officer arrived, Locklear’s car was parked, blocking a lane of Highway 192, Marshall said.

Locklear passed tests to show she wasn’t drunk, but cops figured out she was impaired on an undisclosed prescription drug, officials said.

A rep for Locklear could not be immediately reached for comment today.

Ventura County paramedics rushed to Locklear’s home in March after the shrink called cops, fearing the actress could be despondent.

She was OK that day, but in April she checked into an Arizona psychological treatment facility for depression and anxiety.

Friends have said Locklear has been down in the dumps since her 11-year marriage to rocker Richie Sambora fell apart at the end of 2005.”

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Darby Gunpowder:
Former model and supposed actress Angie Everhart was arrested late Sunday night for drinking and driving. This happened only days after she and Joe Pesci called their freak-show marriage off. Is she depressed? Did Pesci set her up? The New York Post had this to say,

…the ravishing readhead, 38, was picked up at 2 a.m. last Thursday on Wilshire Boulevard a few blocks east of the world-famous Wiltern Theater. She persuaded police officers to allow her to use the bathroom in a nearby restaurant before taking the test, which she subsequently failed. She also reportedly refused to take part in any chemical testing because she claimed her attorney had told her not to. She was released several hours later on $15,000 bail.”

I’m trying my best to think of something nasty to say about Angie, but I’m distracted with the thought of whether or not the drapes match the fire-crotch. I’m usually not a big fan of gingers, but Ms Everhart makes me feel self conscious about wearing sweat pants.

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Mugshot courtesy of thesmokinggun.com

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Photo courtesy of perezhilton.com.

Dee:
Former star, Mischa Barton, was nabbed by the West Hollywood police early Thursday morning while successfully straddling 2 lanes of traffic. Not only was she driving shit-canned, but she did not have her license on her either. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Mischa was found with illegal narcotics (yet to be identified). Her bail was set at $10,000.

Leo:
The icing on the cake is that she was scheduled to host a pre-New Year’s Eve party at the opening of the CatHouse at the Luxor in Vegas. This has been canceled and so has the check she was given. The Luxor is currently scrambling to find an equal replacement. It’s rumored that a street performing mime may take Barton’s place

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Dee:
‘Boy Meets World’ star Danielle Fishel, aka Topanga, was arrested Thursday morning for a drunken driving warrant in Newport Beach, CA. She was cuffed and stuffed around 5:00 and released a few hours later. I wonder if Ben Savage bailed her out?

Leo:
For some reason this “Breaking News” of Topanga doesn’t fall under the ‘who gives a shit category”…I do kinda give a shit. It reminds me of the days she was on my ‘top 5 celebs I’d like to see in Playboy list’. Every young man in the world had a secret crush on Topanga growing up -don’t deny it!.
For the record, here is my top 5 Playboy Wish-list (from 1997) Mr Heffner:

1. Shania Twain
2. Paula Abdul
3. Tiffany Amber Thiessen
4. Jenny Garth
5. Topanga

If you want to know why all the stars are lovin’ up on the Waverly Inn. Click here!

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