Britney Spears weight watch

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Despite what OK magazine says about Britney Spears‘ recent rapid weight loss don’t be fooled. She still has a Buddha Belly. In this shot of Britney on the porch of her house you can clearly see the general swamp that is her stomach. Here’s a tip Britney. Put the cigarette down when you’re exercising. Despite common belief, this is a bad idea. And most importantly remember you can’t lose weight just by declaring you’ve lost it. The fat doesn’t fool that easily. And neither do we.

Britney Spears reality show. God help us all.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Reputable news source, The National Inquirer is claiming that Britney’s manager, Larry Rudolph is shopping around a reality show featuring Britney Spears in her everyday life. A shit-load of production companies are interested and are willing to pay millions for the show. I’m ashamed to say I’d watch it. I’d watch it IF they unleashed Britney into a remote jungle with nothing but the clothes on her back and rapper Ice-T. And they were hunted by wealthy white men with automatic weapons who are bored of hunting dear and quail and have a lust for human blood. Tivo Season Pass: ON.

Now I understand the lyrics to that song

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
While at a photo shoot in Hollywood, Lindsay Lohan was spotted wearing her traditional black leggings. Same old story, right? Well, not quite. If you observe Speciman A you will notice a regular human body from the torso up, however, upon closer examination you can see two tree trunks where Lindsay’s legs should be. Those things are huge. You could beat a grizzly to death with those. If she stepped on your toes you could kiss walking again bye-bye forever. But in all seriousness–I love Lindsay ‘Brick-house’ Lohan. Keep on clomping.

Kim Kardashian is two milk-shakes away from a real fat ass

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Bob ‘The Bitch‘:
It’s well known Kim Kardashian is renowned for having the ‘most edible ass’ in Hollywood. And I’d always viewed that title in a positive light, until today. Kim was spotted with NFL boy-toy Reggie Bush today by the pool. And I couldn’t help but notice that Kim’s ass looked more fat than phat. Is that cellulite I see? Maybe she’s trying to help Reggie train for next season by having him run laps around that track. That would make sense. Ok, calm down, Bob. Just breath and remember it’s only temporary. Yeah, temporary?

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Scientology makes you fat

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Kristie Alley got the boot from Jenny Criag for nearly eating herself to death. Surprise! So the logical thing to do in this situation is start your own weight loss brand, which Kristie is doing. She plans on launching the “worst-diet-ever” in 2009. We hear the diet will consist of living in a Rascal Scooter and eating everything in site. I see dollar signs Kristie…