Derober

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John:
After yesterday’s Reid bikini disaster, Tara comes back for more punishment. I guess she figured if she went more colorful this time around it would look better, kinda’ like when people put little top hats on elephants. I know Tara’s all cracked out and doesn’t care anymore and I sorta’ respect her for that. Like, when I’m 90 years old I’m just gonna crap my pants all day ’cause who gives a f*ck, ya’ know. I guess what I’m saying is that Tara Reid is a 90 year-old elephant.

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John:
If you guessed she’s Dennis Rodman please stop reading our site and wipe the retard drewl off the keyboard. This year America’s Top Model will be fishing for ratings by featuring Isis, a 22 year old former receptionist and former male. She was born Pablo Franco Exzavier-Martinez III. Ok, so I made that last part up but she was born with a penis and she doen’t have a penis anymore so you do the math. Tivo just got another season pass.

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John:
Madonna left the Kabbalah center in LA looking like my dead uncle Richie. Because we pride ourselves in reporting on the sexier side of celebrity, we offer you a nude pictorial of Madonna as an artistic counterpoint to the mess above. Enjoy readers, and let this serve as a reminder that food is not only yummy, but also really really really important to your face.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Winehouse claims her cat terrorized her arms causing massive cuts, but we all recognize those scrapes from the sharp branches of the ugly tree.
We would have posted these sick-tastic photos of Amy Winehouse yesterday but our guilt-ridden conscience was overpowering -that’s not true, we were just lazy.

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Photos courtesy of wwtdd.com

Dee:
We all have our good days and bad (except for me) but I vote we remove the title “Supermodel” from Helena Christensen from this day forward. The Supermodel Guidebook clearly indicates in Chapter 5, Section 3, Article 3.zed.41:

“If you present yourself as a tired, worn-down, old, beat-up, hooker in public you are no longer a Supermodel.”

So it’s decided: Helena has been officially downgraded from “Supermodel” and is now only a “Model”. The title of “Model” is also currently under review.

Leo:
Dear Helena,
If you are reading this, please wipe away your tears and reference the photos below and take notes on how hot you used to be. Get your shit together and call me -we have work to do.

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