Derober

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John:
Hayde Panettiere was filming Heroes yesterday when one of the creepy crew members gave her some magic Kool-Aid and sedated her. He’d been training for this day all his life. It started when he was young. His father caught him nose-deep in his mothers stiletto heels. Ever since, he’s been dreaming of a day when he might defile a young starlit’s foot and get away with it.
Today was your day, Bro. Well done.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Let me start by saying that Hayden Panettiere in this cleavage revealing outfit is about as good a fit as a bowling ball jammed up my urethra. Hayden’s stylist should be gagged and quartered for such an irrational act. Hayden’s boobs look like mosquito bites and I’ve never wanted to do her less than I do right now. Quit acting like your a grown up, Hayden. The jig is up. You’re not that hot. And you will never, EVER, pull off that outfit.

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Darby Gunpowder:

I’ve recently fallin out of love with Jessica Alba for her controversial ‘Declare Yourself’ ad. I’ve also lost my crush on Hayden Panettiere for never growing boobs and having an opinion. But losing my effection for these  fallen stars is not enough. I now declare war on these two cheese-dicks for their recent parody video for the ‘Muzzler 2008′ infomercial. Grab a barf bag before watching this video, and by all means, don’t sit through the whole thing as you may become dehydrated and satanic.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Remember when gas was $.99/gallon, The Soviet Union was communist, Spencer Pratt didn’t exist, and Hayden Panettiere was adorable and didn’t have opinions? Aahhh the good ol’ days….
Our first post on Derober featured Hayden Panettire because she was wearing a bikini and looked so hot and innocent. The world has watched Hayden grow up from the cute little coach’s daughter in Remember the Titans to indestructible cheerleader on Heroes -and we have been disappointed on so many levels. First, she never grew the boobs I’m still waiting for. Second, she eats whales. Third, she’s phoning in her performance on Heroes this season. And finally, she’s assembling her appearance in a Samantha Ronson meets Arnold Palmer backup singer motif, and it smells horrible.

Update: I’m not really sure how I can sit on my high horse and pass judgment on celebrities all day, but no ones told me to stop, so I’ll keep doing it.

I don’t know which is more embarrassing, going out in public looking like Hayden did or forgetting the lyrics to the National Anthem at a professional basketball game….? You be the judge.

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John:
It’s my d*ick in a box! Hayden Panettiere celebrated her 19th birthday yesterday. I love this chick, she’ll put on a sorcorer’s hat, yank a dog into a pool, and throw in a nipple slip to boot. She’s dangerous. Like a little rock star on training wheels. If you can find the nipple slip below, I’ll give you a shiny nickel. Goooood luck!

For more on Hayden’s evolution from striptease to nip slip click here.

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