Happy Birthday Hayden! I got a serprise fer you!

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John:
It’s my d*ick in a box! Hayden Panettiere celebrated her 19th birthday yesterday. I love this chick, she’ll put on a sorcorer’s hat, yank a dog into a pool, and throw in a nipple slip to boot. She’s dangerous. Like a little rock star on training wheels. If you can find the nipple slip below, I’ll give you a shiny nickel. Goooood luck!

For more on Hayden’s evolution from striptease to nip slip click here.

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Faker

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Photo Credit: Buzznet

John:
Tila Tequila and fake girlfriend Courtenay Semen Semel went to the pool and called ahead to make sure the paparazzi caught every one of the Faking McFakersons faking a lesbian romance. If Tila ever actually had to choose between a dude or a chick, she’d reach for the Cheetos…and then choose the dude. She’s become such a media whore she can’t even remember her real name - true story, I asked her and she just threw up on my shoe.

Ever wonder how Tila Tequila (real name Thien Thanh Thi Nguyen) actually got famous? Click here to find out.

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Vanessa Hudgens overshares

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John:
Let’s face it, Vanessa Hudgens is a gravy train with biscuit wheels. Any girl who poses nude in her teens to try to grab the attention of some old dude should be awarded the Silver Staff of Aethelwine. And by ‘Silver Staff of Aethelwine’ I mean ‘my penis.’ God I love this chick. You could invite her to a no-pants party and she’d be the first arrival… 2 days early.


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I can’t quite put my finger on it…

I’ll need to take a closer look here

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John:
Lindsay Lohan’s side boob has returned but only briefly. It’s being reported that the side boob saw its own shadow and will not return for six more weeks.

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Drink it in

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John:
Crack open a beer and just stare at the screen for a bit. Dita Von Teese released her new line of bras for Wonderbra today. Dita says,

‘I love it when you can go about your daily business with the knowledge that you have a little secret of your own on underneath.’

I say the same thing every day only I’m referring to the midget fluffer under my trench coat.