Derober

OK, I’ve had enough of this. I’m tired of sitting on the sidelines while this strumpet vexes America’s team. I’ve compiled a list of scientifically accurate reasons that Romo should give Simpson the boot …for good.

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#1 Jessica Simpson is a Succubus.

suc·cu·bus Pronunciation Key - [suhk-yuh-buhs]
n. A demon in female form sent to drain the life out of men while they sleep.

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#2 Jessica Simpson is a Liar

Jessica Simpson claims to eat meat, but she actually feeds on the athletic prowess of her victims; their athletic souls. Nick Lachey said,

“Before I married Jess, I could dunk a basketball. I haven’t gotten rim in 5 years.”

Tony Romo says,

My finger hurts

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#3 Jessica Simpson will look like crap in 10 years

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#4 Jessica Simpson Isn’t Carrie Underwood

Carrie Underwood actually has talent

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#5 Jessica Simpson Looks Like a Garbage Pail Kid

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Continue Reading: 10 Reasons Tony Romo Must Break Up With Jessica Simpson

Comments (6)

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Darby Gunpowder:
With all the criticism Jessica Simpson has gotten lately, we figured a some nice words were in order for the country/pop star: Nice crack Jess.
Sorry, that’s all I could muster…

Comment (1)

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John:
Jessica Simpson went on Good Morning America today and she stopped singing half way into the set because she couldn’t hear a thing. Tell me about it, sister. Click here for that whole shit show. It’s not like people are showing up to hear Jessica sing anyway. The host might as well say, “Now let’s wheel out Juggie McJuggerson. Apparently, Juggs is going to make some noises today but we’re told that’s part of the act so don’t be alarmed. Enjoy!”

Comments (2)

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Jessica Simpson bikini pics, I’ll bite (doubleviking)
Jessica in see through lingerie–Sexxxyyy (bustedcoverage)
Pay a software coach to pick and play your fantasy team..WHAT?! (asylum)
Whore of the day (dirtyrottenwhore)
Christina Koletsa in bikini is a portfolia I’m into (uncoached)
Gisele and Tom Brady are just adorable enough to CRUSH (celebwarship)
Kid Falls out of stands trying to catch fly ball (donchavez)
Victoria Silvstedt has a job..and a rack (on205th)
Tom Cruise responds to recent criticism (agentbedhead)
Kickass joker action figures (pink)
Jessica Jaymes is love hate relationship (hottestgirls)
Katy Perry films her 32D’s being molded (WWTDD)

Comment (1)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Oh the memories Jess and I have shared on the banks of Lake Tahoe. Whether I’m flashing the locals, rocking out a deuce over the railing of my boat or just challenging sharks to a sporting contest of murder, Jessica Simpson never fails to wave politely. We’re like this. Ever since I cured her of the measles (on her vagina ;)) she has always made time for me. And you know what Jess, I will always make time for you.

Comment (0)