Derober

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Act 1: John leaves, “I had to go get all the hot young ass I could.”

Act II: John returns to marry his bride and plant his seed, a ‘pump n’ dump’

John:
John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are engaged. Reports say that Jen issued a marriage ultimatum upon his return. So says The Star,

just a week after Jen and John Mayer reignited their romance, Jen made her move and asked him to marry her!
After a barrage of romantic e-mails from him, “she said that she’d only take him back if they got married, and he agreed,” says a source. “They both know this is it. She wants to settle down, and finally, so does he. They’ve even talked about having a family, and John said that he couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone but her.”

We all know how the 3rd Act ends, kids. Aniston makes a baby. They name him Damien, the spawn of Satan. Damien runs a chain of Dunkin’ Donuts on the Lower East side of Manhattan unit he is called to lead an army of deamons against Jesus and Orthodox Socialists. Jesus and Damien call a truce after 100 years of bloodshed after both Jesus and Damien agree that Damien’s father, John Mayer, is a total douchebag.

Comments (5)

~Roll mouse over photo to derobe~ 

Dee: Has anyone noticed that Paris Hilton DIDN’T get laid at the Grammy’s the other night. According to Pagesix.com, Paris tried her damndest to hook up with uber-guitar-hottie John Mayer, but to no avail. Pagesix reports Paris,

“aggressively tried to hook up with John Mayer - following him around and dancing, trying to get him to look at her…at one point, she sat at a table and tapped on the seat to motion him to sit next to her. John politely sat for less than a second before ignoring her and moving to chat with a group of friends.”    

John, let me be the first to say your music…ehhh…never hit home with me. BUT after publicly making Paris Hilton your bitch I will stand in line and vote Mayer for President in the upcoming election. Congrats for being the first public Paris denial of the new year. Hopefully the first of many. 

Bob ‘The Bitch’: Yes, this is all well and good but more importantly has anyone seen my toothbrush?? I left it out last night and I swear, Derober John, if you used it…I mean, come the F@#% on! That’s not cool, and it certainly isn’t hygienic. For the last time, my brush is always the one on the far left! Stay away from the brush on the far left!! Now I have to make a run to the store. Oh yeah, and horaay John Mayer. Probably never has his toothbrush stolen.

Comments (2)

~ roll mouse over image to reveal douchebag ~

I’ll give you all another hint, his name rhymes with John Mayer.

Comments (3)

~Roll mouse over photo to derobe~

Photo courtesy of natalieportman.com

John Says:
John Mayer rung in his 30th Birthday in NYC at Butter with friends Sherrod Williams and Justin Long, aka the guy from the Mac commercial. I like John and his music. I stand by him until the bitter end. I made out with a very cute girl in the lawn at one of his concerts because John played “your body is a wonderland” and I was the only male within arms reach. John will start playing small, intimate venues around NY this week to try out his new material.

Leo Says:
In other news, John of the Derobers has a man crush on John Mayer. How cute, 2 straight guys who are obviously gay -and they are both named John! GFY Johns.

Comment (0)