Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Paris Hilton’s juggs are like the mutant villain Mystique. They’re in a constant state of change–like the weather. I don’t know what she stuffs her bra with but my guess is either a tuba or a bag of Tonka trucks. Either way, they’re about as legit as the statement that ‘I HAD SEX with Megan Fox last week.’ And if you believe that I don’t blame you. I often wonder why wouldn’t the world’s hottest girl have sex with the world’s most eligible bachelor 25 years running. God I’m depressed. DIET COKE!!!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Katy Perry might not be the brightest bulb of the bunch. She might not have a face that smart people brag about. She might not even play for the right team. But damn does she have a body that just won’t quit. I suspect that those breasts, if analyzed closely, could be the cure for AIDS. That ass could solve the hunger issues in Africa. If Katy Perry walked up to me and held my hand I might finally learn how to write good. That or the other thing, jizz my pants and forget who I am for a half an hour. Either way it would be spectacular and good for a chuckle or two. Katy Perry for President in 2012. I’ll buy that.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Katie Price is lucky I have an insatiable thirst for tits. It’s a weakness–like heroin addiction. Eight years ago I touched my first boob and I’ve been chasing that unobtainable dragon(s) ever since. I swear when Derober banned Jordan from our sight some weeks ago we meant it God damnit, but after these new pictures came to light I feel an obligation to over-rule our own sentence. Congrats, Katie, welcome back to the winning way.

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John:
Jessica Simpson went on Good Morning America today and she stopped singing half way into the set because she couldn’t hear a thing. Tell me about it, sister. Click here for that whole shit show. It’s not like people are showing up to hear Jessica sing anyway. The host might as well say, “Now let’s wheel out Juggie McJuggerson. Apparently, Juggs is going to make some noises today but we’re told that’s part of the act so don’t be alarmed. Enjoy!”

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Combine two of the greatest things on earth, put them in a bottle and you’ve got something sweeter than you. No, I’m not talking about cotton candy laced with acid I’m referring to the blossoming sport of tit-skydiving. Lets see, a seemingly endless free-fall out of a plane, but instead of plummeting uneventfully to the ground (boring as being sober at the zoo) you land gracefully in a scrumptioulecent pair of juggs. In this case, I chose Hills star (hehe) Audrina Partridge’s heavenly boobs as my landing pad. You are probably wondering if I noticed whether her lady cannons were fake or not while I was down there; however, when your knee deep in nipple you don’t stop to look at the siding. You just make a stupid face and suck til the utter runs dry.

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