Hook ‘em when they’re young

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John:
Pictures have surfaced of Britney Spears teaching her child ‘how to be a Spears.’ Yes, that’s a diaper on the little guy. After the smoke, Britney is going to teach Sean-Preston other Spears’ family traditions like cardboard sled racing and grenade fishing.

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Paris is now accessible to children

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Bob ‘The Bitch’
:
Hey kids, do you like to play with Mommy’s toys when she leaves for work? Have you ever wished for something more?? Has the thrill of banging away on Mom’s drum sticks lost its edge? Well then do we have the solution for you. Introducing the new Russian made ‘Steffi Love’ doll is your favorite role model celebrity, Paris Hilton. The doll is modeled after Paris herself in looks and personality. It comes equipped with tripod and camera, a stripper pole, a strap-on, numerous changes of clothing and Paris’ patented herpe bumps. Who needs friends when you have Paris to show you how far the rabbit hole goes? So buy one today. Go ahead, go to town with her. Paris never judges. And neither do we.

Warning: previously mentioned accessories are not included with Paris Hilton doll. Doesn’t mean you can’t have fun though.

For more on the doll.

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According to Star Magazine, Adnan is bragging to his friends that he knocked Britney up and is set for life.

“Britney is Adnan’s dream come true. He knows that if he has a child with Brit, he’ll be made for life,” one friend of Adnan’s tells Star.”

Wow, the world’s shittiest mom is going to have another baby. That’s like allowing OJ Simpson to get married again and we all know that story ends. In other news, Britney’s parents are on the verge of suicide.

What happened last night at Britney’s house???

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Photo courtesy of perezhilton.com.
Photo courtesy of tob.hollywood.com.

Dee:
This is where the line between celebrity gossip and heart breaking news is blurred. There’s no sense making a mockery out of this story so I’ll just get down to it. Last night around 7 PM TMZ reported that Britney Spearsā€˜ Beverly Hills home was surrounded by police cars, fire trucks, an ambulance and a police chopper after Britney refused to give up her two kids, as per court orders, to K-Fed’s bodyguard. After a four hour stand-off between Britney and the cops, which drew the the likes of Britney’s lawyers, K-fed, and the rest of the media world, Britney finally released her kids to Ferderline and the LAPD. It is around this time that the cops realized that Britney was ” under the influence of an unknown substance”. Continue Reading: What happened last night at Britney’s house???

Freak Alert: Jacko shops for children’s books

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Wearing hundreds of Bandaids on his face, Michael Jackson unplugged himself and ventured out into oxygenated planet earth -specifically a Barnes & Noble in Las Vegas. He arrived in a space ship with his spawns, 10-year-old Prince, 9-year-old Paris, and 5-year-old Blanket. They shopped for 3 hours and left the earthly building with boxes of human literature. The Derobers believe the Wacko’s are studying the human race via Dr. Seuss books.
Hey Mike, you have a little something on your nose…a little higher…lower…there, yeah -you got it.