Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Back in 2005 Jessica Simpson was in a bit of a rut. So much so that she apparently stared in her own exercise video tape just to make a little extra cash. Alex Astilean, the owner of Speedfit claims Jess signed a multi-million dollar contract with him to star in an exercise tape produced by his company. But the finished tape is currently being blocked by Jess from public release. Pagesix reported:

“Speedfit owner Alex Astilean sued Simpson last year for $10 million — and since she’s refused to settle, Astilean’s now suing her manager dad, Joe, as well. Astilean said, “They are hurting millions of fat people in America.”

Oh, well since you made it about the ‘fat people’, Alex, I’m gonna take your side on this one. Besides who wouldn’t like to see Jessica in vintage 80’s aerobic spandex telling us how to keep our asses in shape? Oh, you want some squat thrusts?? I’ll give you all the squat thrusts you can handle, Jess. Mmmm, that hurts. It hurts so good.

I may in fact need help.

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Photo courtesy of thesuperficial.com.

Dee:
According to multiple sources, Kim Kardashian is being sued by R&B singer Brandy’s mom Sonja Norwood for borrowing her credit card and racking up a bill of over 120,000 dollars in the span of a year. According to Norwood, she gave Kim extensive time to settle the matter out of court; however, after much deliberation Kim decided to get an Orange Julius because it looked good with her dress and it accentuated her ass. As for the lawsuit, it’s no sweat off Kim’s ass. That’s what she has a daddy for.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I’m trying to think of what value 120,000 dollars is to Kim Kardashian relative to me. Would it be like me buying a pair of shoes, or like me buying a pair of shoe laces? More importantly, could I buy an Orange Julius with that kind of money?

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Photo courtesy of evilbeetgossip.com.

Dee:
For those of you Beatles loving / Heather Mills hating people out there, this story is sure to make you happy. Apparently the money-grubbing whore might have a lawsuit against herself for a change. Her former lawyers have threatened to sue her if she doesn’t pay them their legal bills, which they say are well overdue. The total bill after tax for Heather…$4 million! Oops Heather, you may have spread yourself a little thin on this whole ordeal.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Here’s an idea Heather, don’t F with a Beatle. It’s like trying to sue the pope. I tried it once and now I’m going to Hell. By the way, now might be a good time to take Paul’s settlement offer.

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Dee:
This is too funny. Semi-famous DJ Samantha Roson, who initially tried (and failed) to sue celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton for defamation, is now being sued by her own lawyers for unpaid legal fees. According to Perezhilton.com, Ronson owes her lawyers a hefty $165,000. Whoops. Be careful what you wish for Samy…

For the full juicy story, click here.

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Photo courtesy of thesuperficial.com

Last Tuesday night at the Fox Really Awards Johnny Fairplay found out what happens when you jump a grown man and try to dry hump him–blood, tears, and much needed dental work in the future. That’s right, Johnny Fairplay, star of the survivor series, got his ass kicked after being flung over the shoulders of Danny Bonaduci and landed face-first on the pavement. Our sources say that Fairplay spent the next few hours balling like a baby, calling out for his mommy, and sucking on a pacifier (or maybe that was our imagination…either way it fits). And living up to his survivor reputation, Fairplay followed suit by…well, filing a lawsuit against Bonaduci. The judges have dismissed the battery charges against Bonaduci siting that ‘you have to have a soul to be battered’–Fairplay didn’t fit the bill.

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