Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
A good friend of mine once said, “You know the thing about cock is…she loves it.” Now I don’t think he was referring to Miley Cyrus at the time but I can’t help but think that this statement applies to her. I mean at what point does Disney wrap Miley up in a burlap bag, only letting her out for public appearances and performances? Because if I know one thing about Disney it’s that they are not big advocates for the BJ. Well, on a personal level they love them, however, tapping into that 1 to 14 year old demographic is a bit hard when your lead star is a sex crazed dick vacuum. Think about it. Anyways, what would Billy Ray say if he saw his daughter making BJ gestures at her boyfriend during a model runway walk? Probably nothing…but maybe just maybe he’d go all country on her ass. Just sayin.

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John:
Taking her act across the pond, Miley Cyrus turned up in London over the weekend for a performance on BBC The Switch Live on Sunday. The soon-to-be 16-year-old starlet took the stage at the Hammersmith Apollo, performing with a lineup that included Fall Out Boy and Ne-Yo.
I copied and pasted the first two sentences from the Daily Mail so my report would sound ‘newsy’ and informed. Now here is what is really going on in Miley’s life:

Miley is 16 and dating an underwear model = gutterball
Miley is choking down anything with an oblong shape = gutterball
Miley’s dad = gutterball
Miley’s concert ticket price$ = gutterball
Fall Out Boy = gutterball
Miley isn’t dating me = gutterball (but well played)

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~Mickey’s Proportional Response ~

John:
Gossip sites dish out so much shit on this poor girl. Luckily she never went to school so she can’t read. Miley Cyrus celebrated her 16th birthday by treating her fans to $300 seats to her Disneyland show. When reached for a comment regarding the crater in my wallet, Miley responded,

The snozberries taste like snozberries.

Dumber than a sack of hammers. F*ck it, she’s not even legal yet so what do I care (wink)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Isn’t this sweet. Miley Cyrus and her new boyfriend Justin Gaston (sporting the crucifix bling) walked to church Sunday. The Cyrus’ probably had to repent for fist f#cking a stray goat and for general douche baggery. You know, same old story. But the good news is Jesus loves country, so he’ll give Miley and the boy toy a pass for having premarital sex because to Jesus Billy Ray is God. True story.

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John:
For those of you who find this image disturbing, the women’s room is right here. Miley Cyrus is throwing herself a 16th Birthday party at Disneyland and she wants all her friends to come. Wait! There’s a catch. Tickets for the concert are starting at $300. That’s a lot of money. I remember when I was 12 my dad gave me a $20 bill and I tried to buy land in Hawaii with it. Did I mention that last year at this time Miley’s average concert ticket was a c-hair above $60? Now that is disturbing. Gouging kids and parents to listen to pre-recorded lyrics is bad enough. Pulling that shit during a recession is another. For $300, you’d better be doing this whole concert naked riding an Flamingo, Miles.

I’m categorizing this post under ‘Miley Cyrus is an asshole dickhead’. It’s harsh, yes. But so is life.

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