Derober

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John:
A simple, “Can I motorboat your bitch please” would have sufficed. Instead this dude sticks his fat dumb head into a world of pain. And, yes, I can summon a bottle of Milwaukee’s Best from the heavens at my will.

Audrina is on the set of her new film The Reef. Let’s face it, the movie is going to be almost unwatchable. In fact, The Reef spelled backwards is Strait to DVD. True story.

Also, if you get a minute, Karina Smirnoff’s top popped off today. Bam!

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Yeah, Boba and Audrina go out for tea and sex every Sunday. Boba never calls back. No woman can cage the Fett. It’s like catching a seal lathered in butter.

Click here to see what I am doing tonight

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
According to The Star, Matthew Mcconaughey has come up with a great idea for the name of his new baby. A name that will go down in the annals of redneck history. He is planning to name his baby after a beer. And why wouldn’t why? But which beer you ask? Only time will tell but I’ve picked out a few names that I thought had a good ring to them. How about Milwaukee Mcconaughey, or Miller ‘High Life’ Mcconaughey? There’s also Busch Mcconaughey or my personal favorite Steel Reserve Mcconaughey. The possibilities are endless.

Any suggestions from the peanut gallery?

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All you have to do to get a shopping date with Mischa Barton is dress like Boy George and tell her she looks pretty, when in fact, she looks like Laura Ingles.

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Photo courtesy of x17online.com

Photo of Lauren Conrad digging for gold

Photo courtesy of x17online.com

Bob ‘The Bitch’ says:
The Hills star Lauren Conrad exited a crowded Les Deux Tuesday night, sporting this sexy sailor/Paris Hilton rip-off outfit. And I’d say there was absolutely nothing wrong with this photo of a person picking a wedgie except for the abundance of that one extra X chromosome. Sorry L’Con, that look is the norm for a male but is completely disturbing and upsetting when performed by a female. I’m pretty sure I learned that tid-bit in the 6th grade–biology 101. I understand your career will be waving by-by in the near future (after that ridiculous show is canceled), but getting extra publicity by picking your own ass is not the answer. There’s no gold there, so keep those fingers out of that region. Leave that task to the men.
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Photo courtesy of perezhilton.com

John Says:
David Hasselhoff got so drunk last week he had to be hospitalized. But yesterday the bright lights were callin’ and Hoff made it to the Christian Audigier Spring/Summer ‘08 show with his daughter in tow. Her marching orders from mommy: Make sure daddy stays off the sauce.

I may or may not have had a Hasselhoff poster in my dorm room in college (as a joke), but I like the guy. Stay on the wagon, you big dumb ox.

Leo says:

Lets not forget, the Hoff lacks original sin. Any guy who single handedly brings down the Berlin Wall has a free pass to get hammered drunk as much as he wants. I wish I got to go to the hospital every time I got effed up -I yearn for an IV the morning after a good bender. Lucky bastard.

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