Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
You know despite looking like a hybrid of an alien and the T-1000 robot Victoria Beckham is sort of sexy. I mean she’s no Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie in her prime but I’d still eat the chunks of corn out of her belly button. And she has that special quality look in a woman I dream of in that it always appears that sex is on her mind. Lets face it, we don’t see Victoria Beckham marketing sodas, tampons, children’s books and cotton candy. She markets sex, pure and simple. In this ad she is marketing Armani underwear. And you know what…I kind of want to buy a pair for myself.- That and rub one out on my keyboard. Judge me if you like, I value your opinion.

At the end of the day I can only think of one way this photo can get any better….

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Katy Perry might not be the brightest bulb of the bunch. She might not have a face that smart people brag about. She might not even play for the right team. But damn does she have a body that just won’t quit. I suspect that those breasts, if analyzed closely, could be the cure for AIDS. That ass could solve the hunger issues in Africa. If Katy Perry walked up to me and held my hand I might finally learn how to write good. That or the other thing, jizz my pants and forget who I am for a half an hour. Either way it would be spectacular and good for a chuckle or two. Katy Perry for President in 2012. I’ll buy that.

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John:
While promoting High School Musical 3 yesterday, Hudgens was asked again about her shady past. And by shady past, I’m referring to the time she took a bunch of naked photos and sent them to an old-as-balls studio exec,

“I think that everything happens for a reason and I wouldn’t take back anything I’ve done,” she says. “I don’t like talking about it because it was something that was meant to be private and I’d still like to keep it as private as I can.”

OK, Vanessa, let’s have a chat

So you wouldn’t take it back, huh? Really? Um, I hate to be a stickler for the past here but… remember that opology you issued where you said you wished you regret every having taken those photos?

“I want to apologize to my fans, whose support and trust means the world to me. I am embarrassed over this situation and regret having ever taken these photos.”

One more time for the homies in the back,

I…regret having ever taken these photos

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Darby Gunpowder:
YouTube makes users confirm they are 18 years old to view Britney Spears new Womanizer video. Britney is bucky-ass neked for a nice chunk of the otherwise horse-shit video. They say never go grocery shopping when hungry and I think this rule applies to this video too. It reminded me of an El Pollo Loco commercial. It looks amazing until you actually bring it home and realize it tastes of burnt human flesh …and has AIDS. See the correlation??

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John:
Taking her act across the pond, Miley Cyrus turned up in London over the weekend for a performance on BBC The Switch Live on Sunday. The soon-to-be 16-year-old starlet took the stage at the Hammersmith Apollo, performing with a lineup that included Fall Out Boy and Ne-Yo.
I copied and pasted the first two sentences from the Daily Mail so my report would sound ‘newsy’ and informed. Now here is what is really going on in Miley’s life:

Miley is 16 and dating an underwear model = gutterball
Miley is choking down anything with an oblong shape = gutterball
Miley’s dad = gutterball
Miley’s concert ticket price$ = gutterball
Fall Out Boy = gutterball
Miley isn’t dating me = gutterball (but well played)

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