Derober

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John:
At her recent concert/fashion show, Katy Perry’s beautiful rack made a break for it. I’m glad they did, know why? ‘Cause there is something about squinting really hard at a grainy photo that really gets my blood boiling. It’s like my mind is saying, “John, are you really doing this right now. Don’t you have anything better to do with your time?” But then my boner said, “nope.” And that was that.

Hint: For a better look at the sliperooo, check out the photos below.

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John:
Mischa Barton can’t keep her nipples in her shirt these days. Also, she’s dumber that a pile of mashed potatoes which doesn’t help. I swear this girl could completely forget to get dressed in the morning and not realize it until she got to Starbucks.

P.S. F@ck Starbucks.

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John:
Jessica Simpson went on Good Morning America today and she stopped singing half way into the set because she couldn’t hear a thing. Tell me about it, sister. Click here for that whole shit show. It’s not like people are showing up to hear Jessica sing anyway. The host might as well say, “Now let’s wheel out Juggie McJuggerson. Apparently, Juggs is going to make some noises today but we’re told that’s part of the act so don’t be alarmed. Enjoy!”

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
There are a few constants in my life. My need for gratuitous shotgun blasts. My hatred of douchebags getting laid…period. And my love of tits. Specifically, side boobs in this case. Audrina Partridge has done to me what General Patton did to Rommel’s tank army. She read my book. Seriously, if I were to give a play-by-play book on how to stay on my good-side, then excluding the use of shotguns and or providing an endless stream of cotton candy Audrina is perfect. She completes me. She sets my loans on fire. And anyone who knows me well knows that’s a privilege. An honor fit for the god’s, so to speak.

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Darby Gunpowder:
You know that guy who would choose a Victoria’s Secret catalog over a Hustler…I’m that guy. I appreciate my imagination -the “what’s underneath” factor..
Remember the bikini clad Eva Mendez in the Farrely Brothers movie, “Stuck On You”? The movie is forgettable but Eva is not (see photos below). That’s the Eva I love.
Her topless, uncensored spread in the new Vogue Italia is a yawn-fest. I give it 2 limp thumbs down. Don’t get me wrong I love sex swings as much as the next dude, but I wouldn’t purchase the one she’s endorsing -looks constricting.
Some may argue the topless spread is artistic. These are the same people who think art is a chimpanzee named Ninnypants projectile shitting on a blank canvas, Jackson Pollock style.
For uncensored, full size, shit-stained, artistic photos of Eva Mendez, click on the thumbs below.

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