Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Oh yeah, family reunions and anonymous odors. Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson might be two despicable human beings but dammit they’re good for a laugh. I look at these two and see more than just the obvious (clothed munch boxs), I see hope. Hope of a future free from scrutiny and ridicule. Hope of a life without materialistic values and frivolous goods. Hope of..ahhh f#ck it I’m just messing around. Hahaha, I hope these two get pwnd by a mack truck full of explosives right in the middle of what ‘was’ a great date. Hopefully they’re laughing at that very moment.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Jerry Seinfeld flipped his vintage 1967 Fiat BTM after realizing his car brakes were non-existent. He was driving alone in the Hamptons and swerved to keep the car from careening into an intersection. We’re guessing his car flipped 28 times and landed in a tree for dramatic effect. Miraculously, no one was hurt in the accident.

Jerry made lemonade out of the near-fatal crash:

“Because I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do,” Seinfeld said. “It is not something I plan to make a habit of.”

Clownshoes. Simply clownshoes.

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John:
Petra Nemcova is dating Sean Penn. The lovebirds took their romance public at the Oscar after-parties last night. Petra was spotted kissing on Sean while Sean kept an eye out for hookers he might like to pay for sex.
This is like the time your father brings home the hot girl who graduated with you in high school. The one you always wanted. Once the shock wears off, only a homicidal rage remains, ya’ know?

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Photos courtesy of wwtdd.com

Dee:
We all have our good days and bad (except for me) but I vote we remove the title “Supermodel” from Helena Christensen from this day forward. The Supermodel Guidebook clearly indicates in Chapter 5, Section 3, Article 3.zed.41:

“If you present yourself as a tired, worn-down, old, beat-up, hooker in public you are no longer a Supermodel.”

So it’s decided: Helena has been officially downgraded from “Supermodel” and is now only a “Model”. The title of “Model” is also currently under review.

Leo:
Dear Helena,
If you are reading this, please wipe away your tears and reference the photos below and take notes on how hot you used to be. Get your shit together and call me -we have work to do.

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Photo courtesy of perezhilton.com
Photo courtesy of exposay.com

Dee:
In case anyone out there has ever been insecure about how they looked and wished ‘If I could only look like so and so celebrity, I’d be beautiful,’ this post is for you. It is important to remember that all celebrities came from somewhere and that getting the Hollywood ‘Star-Treatment’ is likely the main reason they look perfect and magnificent in every photo. So don’t be discouraged about your appearance, as there’s always room for improvement throughout your life.
Just look at Amy Winehouse in her teenage years. Does she look like someone you’d say ‘One day she’ll be famous’? Didn’t think so, and I bet Amy was more than a little insecure herself.

Bob ‘The Bitch’
In all honesty, Elvira is still disgusting…and that’s all I have to say about that.

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