Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This is the Paris Hilton that God intended. Eyes sunken, clothes tattered, expressionless and surrounded by men who loot all over her. You get the picture. But somewhere along the lines heaven’s angels must have lost Paris’ file in the cracks and so in their own guilt they decided that Paris would inherit the earth–literally. Big mistake. In these pics Paris can be seen promoting My New BFF with a look of retarded bliss on her face. The kind of face you like to imagine a horse bucking with its hoofs, or you know a sledge hammer bashing with its… sledge hammerness. I personally don’t think Paris would make for a good stripper because the whole limp and lifeless dead fish body of hers. But hey it makes for a good visual. Am I right on this one?

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Not only does Paris Hilton have the audacity to wear that bunny hat with a straight face but she also manages to find other ways to set mankind back a couple centuries. As you all know Paris is NOT poor and so you think that would make her LESS apt to take things without paying for them. But no, this is Paris Hilton. She eats babies for breakfast and shits poor souls for lunch. According to the AP,

Word comes to us late on a Sunday night at the Sundance Film Festival that Paris Hilton left the Hollywood Life House gifting suite with 30 bags — 30 bags — stuffed full of free merchandise from Whiting & Davis, which makes metal mesh material and accessories.
Even the publicity people representing the Hollywood Life House seemed aghast, noting in a press release that the Hilton hotel heiress did it, “without shame.” And we’re wondering why she’s even here. It’s not like she’s in a movie at the festival.
In the middle of a global financial crisis with people losing their savings, losing their jobs, losing their homes, Paris Hilton – worth tens of millions, at the least — walks off with 30 bags of free merchandise. It is, at the least, shameful. Right?

But Paris seems to be unphased by people’s criticism. Apparently money speaks louder than our opinion. Touche, Paris. Point you.

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John:
The photo above slightly sensationalized. Paris was not home when a burgler forced his way through Paris’ front door and ransacked her bedroom, stealing almost $2 Million dollars worth of jewelry.
Here at Derober, we dump a lot of shit on Paris but I really got nothing here. This sucks. Bad.
It sucks because I have all this jewelry and I have no clue how to offload it. Gonna’ wait till things cool down. It’s hot now, I tell you. Hottern’ hell.

Here are some photos of Paris so she can see what she looks like without jewelry. Hope this helps!

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John:
Paris Hilton reunited with her ex, shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, at the Victoria Secret fashion show. Just when you were already hating an heir and an heiress making sicky on each other, you realize they did it at the Victoria Secret fashion show. I’m sure a few heads just exploded all over the computer. It’s to be expected when that much hate and rage fills a human person.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
You know for the first time in years I woke up this morning and didn’t contemplate suicide. Normally, it’s me on the porch in my rocking chair watching the sunrise with a bottle of Jack and my nine. But after hearing that Paris Hilton is planning to leave the states for good I’ve gained a new outlook on life. I no longer consider birds chirping to be the voices inside my head, I look at bottles and think they’re half full, and I checked myself out in the mirror for the first time since Nixon was impeached from office and thought…I’d f#@k me. According to the Showbiz Spy,

“Paris Hilton is planning a permanent move to London.
The hotel heiress is currently in the British capital filming her new TV show Paris Hilton’s My New BBF (British Best Friend). And she is ready to leave Hollywood for good and settle down in the UK.
She told friends, “I love it here, I am going to move here permanently. I have already been here for one month and am much, much happier here.
“I love guys with English accents. I have met a really cute English guy, but it’s early days.”

Somebody break open my piggy bank, I’m going to Vegas! Time to ride Lady Luck to the promise land, bitches.

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