Derober

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John:
Gisele is on Melrose Ave. today doing a photo shoot with Entourage’s Kevin Connolly (he plays E). We’re guessing it’s for a condom company because of the way she’s dressed, all sexy-like. And also because I dream of the day when I hear Gisele utter the phase, “John, get a rubber.” Oh, that’ll be the day. I know you’re thinking that’s NEVER going to happen but you haven’t seen my triceps. I repeat, you haven’t seen my triceps.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This is Marisa Miller in the May issue of Ralph Magazine. Many know her as the blond supermodel who’s graced the pages of nearly every ’sex selling’ magazine known to man. But few know her for another special reason–she’s also my girlfriend. That’s right free world, I’d like to officially announce that Marisa and I are an item. Like peas and carrots we have been in a passionate romance for the past 3 years. But if you are like how I used to be (mangina) then you’re probably wondering how I bagged such a beautimous babe. And in my new tell all book 5 Ways on How to Woo a Beautimous Babe (really a short story with pictures) you will learn from my method. A method I’ve come to call the ‘wear the pants or go home’ method (also accompanied with pictures and SNAKES). So get off your ass and bag that babe with the gravy train with biscuit wheels body today. Just not Marisa Miller…cause that’s my bitch and I own a sawed off shotgun.

Good luck.

Return to i-am-bored.com for more boredom relief or just take a look at Gemma Atkinson without any clothes on here.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Ok this man, who for the sake of comedy we’ll name Neo, gets to rub down Gisele Bundchen’s perfect ass with oil. I’m going to kill my guidance counselor. How come the ‘two-handfuls of heavenly ass rubdown’ wasn’t offered in the curriculum when I went to college. I would have been first in line. Can you imagine,

“Coach put me in, someone’s gotta tame that ass before it walks all over us.”

“Bob, c’mon you’ve been riding the bench all season long for a reason. You wouldn’t know what to do with those hose-hounds if I gift wrapped em and mounted them on the wall for you. Forget it.”

“But coach, I’ve been been waxing windows and watching Over The Top everyday for the past three months just like you told me to. I’m ready, Coach. Put me in.”

“Ok, Bob. You want a shot to slay the two-headed dragon? Be my guest.”

Thanks coach, I won’t let you down.

“God save us all”.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Let me start right off with a question. How warped is our society when a single nude picture of a model can be sold for 80 grand? Really?? I can imagine the conversation now when a father explains to his son how he blew Mom’s Chemo treatment funds on a nude 8 X 12 of Gisele Bundchen. Hooray America! Land of the free indeed. While you’re at why don’t you throw in a nail gun and staple your feet into the ground of your own house because you probably don’t belong in the general population. After all, it is only a picture. Have you heard of a thing called the internet my friend? A great man once told me, “Why buy the cow when you can rape one for free?” Truer words were never spoken. And to all of you rich ass-clompers out there who would actually consider buying these ridiculous pics all I can say is shame on you! You don’t deserve to live.

And just for the record, you can buy Gisele, Kate Moss and many other classy pics at the auction this coming April 10 at Christie’s in New York. Come for the pics, stay for the veal. It’ll be well worth your time.

Below are a few things for less than the price of Gisele’s picture. Enjoy.

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Photos courtesy of thesuperficial.com.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Well all I can say is ‘titties’. Legendary photographer Bert Stern, who took Marilyn Monroe’s nude pictures over 46 years ago, came out of his cave to reenact the epic Monroe shoot via Lindsay Lohan. When asked why he choose Lohan Ol’ Bert said it was her “depth” (money), he went on to point out the two ladies’ similarities:

Stern, who shot the photos on film rather than digitally, told me he was interested in Lohan because he suspected “she had a lot more depth to her” than one might assume from “those teenage movies.” Indeed, many in the film industry believe that Lohan has yet to pursue projects equal to her gifts. Without putting too fine a point on it, you might say Lohan has, like Monroe, a knack for courting the tabloids and tripping up her career.

Wow, thanks for the insight, Bert. Next for Lohan is a photo shoot of her wearing a white, sleeveless t-shirt that says ‘New York City’.

Uncensored photos after the jump Continue Reading: Lindsay Lohan in nude Marilyn Monroe photo shoot

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