Derober

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John:
Fact: If Lisa Rinna keeps doing sit ups like that, she’s gonna sprout a penis.
I get it, Lisa’s 45 and she keeps herself well. Maybe a little too well perhaps? Lisa is dangerously close to looking like one of those gender bending female body builders. You know, those oiled she-things that make you lose your appetite when you accidentally tune into ESPN 2 on Tuesday afternoon.
F*ck it. I don’t reed Playboy anyway and until they add a Tween category, I never will. 

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Darby Gunpowder:
Just another reason I wrote my college thesis on David Letterman. Last night LC appeared on the Late Show and walked right into a bear trap. It’s common knowledge that Letterman loathes reality TV, most notably ‘The Hills’. We learned that when he made a balloon puppet out of Spencer Pratt.

Here are some memorable quotes from the interview/Chinese water torture:

On Lauren Conrad’s constant drama:
“That raises the question, maybe you’re the problem. You think? Let me give you an example from my own life. For a long time–10, 15, 30, 40 years–I thought, ‘Jeez people are idiots.’ And then it occurred to me, ‘Is it possible everyone’s an idiot?’ Maybe I’m the idiot.”

On Spencer Pratt:
“Spencer, what a weasel. He’s just the worst, that guy.”

On Brody Jenner:
“Let me just tell you something about Brody. If there was no television, this guy would be living in a tree.”

The cherry on top was when Dave tells Lauren she’s the problem, and she just sits there like a deer in the headlights. She literally has no clue what just hit her -as if there was supposed to be a script to the show!
Speaking of deer, LC and the entire Hills ‘cast’ should go hang out with one…on a busy highway.

Click here to watch the video

Continue Reading: Letterman rips LC a new one

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John:
Anyway, last month, Bono and one of his musician buddies went down to St. Tropez in the south of France for some guy time. While there, they hung out with 19-year olds Andrea Feick and Hannah Emerson. Feick took some photos and posted them on her Facebook. Noticably absent from the photos, Bono’s wife. When asked if the relationship was physical, Feick replied,

“No…God no!’ (she laughed) God no! He’s a friend of mine and that’s pretty much it. I’m not going to get into details, but it’s a small world.”

What the f*ck does that even mean? ‘pretty much’, ‘not going into details’, ’small world’… that’s just word salad. I’ll translate for everybody,

God! We pretty much f*cked the international waters out of each others while my best friend recorded all the details of Bono opening my small world…what a ride!

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John:
TMZ is reporting that Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant again. She took a pregnancy test and it came back baby. Jamie Lynn apparently thought that you couldn’t get pregnant if you were still breast feeding. On a related note, the lunar landings were faked on a soundstage in Burbank and rainbows aren’t real. According to the source,

“Jamie Lynn is about eight weeks pregnant, and she and her mom Lynne are hysterical,” revealed a close source. “Neither of them knows what to do, but for now they’re trying to keep the news from getting out.”
“Jamie Lynn believed she couldn’t get pregnant while she was breast-feeding,” said the close source. “She’d expected to have her period by early September.” A home pregnancy test came back positive and Jamie Lynn cried her eyes out, said the source.
Her mother Lynne was livid when she found out, divulged an insider.

Lots of crying at the Spears’ camp. Why does everything they do end in tears? Don’t answer that.

UPDATE: I’m hearing word now that Jamie Lynn is not pregnant. Apparently, she just ate a really big meal and felt bloated. After a few hours she still felt full and just assumed the worst.

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Darby Gunpowder:
The “gods” at Esquire have bestowed the 2008 Sexiest Woman of the year: Halle Berry. Ummmm, sexy -yes. Sexiest -not so much. Although Halle does have a shape to her, I can list 52 people in front of her who are more deserving of the “honor” -12 of them are in the Hooters 2008 Calendar and the another 12 are in the Mormons Exposed 2008 Calendar. I guess they are just trying to one-up People magazine for their terrible decision to make Matt Damon the sexiest man alive in 2007.

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