Derober

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Darby Gunpowder:
Like the Romans, all great empires eventually fall -as did Heather Grahams boobs. I gotta be honest, I’ve never liked this chick, nor thought she was that hot. She has wonkie eyes, a five-finger forehead, and now saggy boobs. Good thing she can rely on her acting chops to revive her “career”…oh, wait -nevermind.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Have you ever smelled a foul queef and then thought to yourself, man, I’m kinda hungry? Tara Ried in a bikini has the same effect on me. I’m supposed to be grossed out by her alien tummy, but instead my eyes shift skyward to her massive mammaries and all is right with the world. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t touch her with a 20 foot pole at the risk of getting blindsided by a rogue scalpel.

Update: In all the alien-tummy/booby talk, we failed to recognize Tara’s cavernous camel toe. She is like fine art, the longer you stare at it, the more you discover.

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Darby Gunpowder:
My sensible side knows this picture of Madonna is photoshopped, but I still think it’s hot. My non-sensible side turned to stone after making eye-contact. My gag-reflex side just puked out my nose when I remembered how gross Madonna is in real life (see photos below).

PS Madonna carries the weight of the world on her back in case you can’t read between the lines.

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Darby Gunpowder:
I have bad news for all you Katherine Heigl fans -she’s not very nice. I happened to be working at a photoshoot for “Knocked Up” a few moons back and had the opportunity to spend some quality time alone with her. She stepped outside to smoke a cigarette and I suddenly became a smoker for the day. I bummed a Marlboro Ultra Light and her lighter pretending she was a civilian like me. Before I could light up my cigarette, she was balls deep in her jewel-studded pink Sidekick yelling at her agent and I didn’t exist. That’s fine, she wanted to make a phonecall -she didn’t owe me, a complete stranger, any kind of smalltalk conversation. But that’s not why she’s mean. Two young teenage girls approached her (she’s still on the phone) and asked for her autograph. Annoyed, she simply shook her head no, and motioned that she was on the phone and the girls walked away a bit shocked and embarrassed
Dollars to donuts if there was a photographer around, she would have smiled and given her autograph in a heartbeat. Shame on you Katie.

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Leo:
Just a reminder, you automatically get 1 point on the Hot Scale of you are famous. You also automatically get another point if you have a foreign accent. So by default, Amy Winehouse has 2 gimme points on the Hot Scale. Winehouse could not afford to lose a point, but she did with her recent outbreak of impetigo, a skin disease that consists of hideousness. Mayo Clinic’s actual definition is,

“Impetigo starts as a red sore that quickly ruptures, oozes for a few days and then forms a yellowish-brown crust that looks like honey or brown sugar. The disease is highly contagious, and scratching or touching the sores is likely to spread the infection to other parts of the body as well as to other people.”

Mayo omitted the fact that millions of crab eggs hatch inside your face and burst through your cheek. This is all true.

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