Derober

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Darby Gunpowder:
My first thought when I saw Anne Hathaway’s Vogue photoshoot, was: “Why didn’t they use Marisa Miller instead?” It just doesn’t make any sense to me. Marisa Miller should be on the cover of every magazine -am I wrong here? I’m no golfer, but I know sex sells. Marisa Miller is the sexiest woman in the galaxy. Anne Hathaway is the 2nd sexiest woman on Planet Butterface -next to Hillary Swank. C’mon Vogue -get your shit together…or don’t. I never liked your shitteous magazine.

Don’t worry Matt, to get that rotten Hathaway taste out of your eyes, I included a little side-dish of M-squared below.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Both the London Daily Mail and The Sun are running these pics today. They are claiming these are promotional photos from Brit’s new single, Womanizer.
WWTDD first suspected that the photos are a fake and the Derober’s rollover effect proves it.
We all know a little (or a lot) of photoshop goes into promo materials, but the photos used here are ripped straight from Britney 2004 Onyx Hotel Tour. Some talented bastard cut her face off and put it on a super-model’s body. Roll your mouse over the photos above and below and say, ahh-haaa!!!!

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Now if I can only track down Brit’s body-double and ask her out for some jag-bombs and sex… Don’t worry, I’ll bring a paper bag with in case I need to cover up her (possibly) hideous mug.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Party-girl Jenna Bush threw in the towel and got hitched this past weekend. The lucky son of a bitch who took my dreamgirl’s hand in marriage is Henry Hager. The good news is the divorce rate in this country is increasing exponentially and she should be back on the market before Christmas, which is when I’ll make my move.
The wedding took place at the Bush family’s Prairie Chapel Ranch in Crawford, Texas on Saturday. Jenna’s twin sister, Barbara, aka Short-End-Of-The-Stick, stood as Maid of Honor while Henry’s brother, John, aka Second-Fiddle, stood as Best Man.
The major news outlets are reporting the couple met because Henry’ father is the chairman of the Virginia Republican Party, a former lietenant governor of Virginia, and served in President Bush’s Education Department.
Derober is reporting they met at a Dave & Busters on a Tuesday (2 for 1 shots of Wild Turkey-Day). Henry found Jenna hammered, face-down in a urinal in the men’s restroom. She wasn’t breathing. Henry gave her mouth to mouth, and she puked all over his clownshoes. Henry saved her life, Jenna rallied, and the rest is history.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Britney Spears not only endorses Paris Hilton’s Wal-Mart quality ‘Bandit’ hair extensions, she uses them too! Britney claims they are sooo easy to install,

“After finally getting the box open, you simply place the hair on the bald spots, then cover your head with a potatoe sack. Then my manager Larry Rudolph throws a rabid squirrel inside the bag and it goes crazy. The squirrel is so excited to be puttin the hair in my hair, it does all the work for you. You know it’s done, when the Hungry Man dings on the microwave. Larry uses a baseball bat to whack the squirrel dead and when we take the sack off my head it’s all finished. Just like that -brand new hair. A quick shower gets all that blood out too.”

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Darby Gunpowder:
Have you ever been in the middle of reading something -say Playboy for example, and thought to yourself: “huh, I don’t give a shit about this and have no idea why I am reading it.” Yes? Good, so you can empathize with why you are reading a post about Katie Price’s new children’s book. She’s not naked and she’s wearing a hideous mermaid costume that some soccer mom made. So why is this post somewhat humorous? Katie never even wrote the book, Perfect Ponies: My Pony Care Book, her ghostwriter did. The kicker: it won the WH Smith Children’s Book of the Year -the effing “Oscar’s” of the book trade. Good fact checking committee.

PS What parent in their right mind buy a children’s book written by a porn star?

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