Derober

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Darby Gunpowder:
Kim Kardashian posted the above photo to disprove all the rumors that she had plastic surgery. I can’t remark on the photo one way or another because she is 14 years young in the pic and I can’t risk going to jail again. If I dare mention her adult-sized chest or her bikini bottoms that could double as a Borat onesie -I may go to prison. Here’s what Willy said in her blog about the breasts I can’t talk about:

I HAVE NOT EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY!!!

I am definitely not against it at all, but haven’t yet had it! Personally, lip injections are the thing I would never do—even if I didn’t have full lips.

I think lip injections look very fake and bad and I wouldn’t want to kiss anyone with stuff in their lips—so I wouldn’t do it to myself.

This is a picture of me when I was about 14 years old in a bikini. I hope after seeing this you guys will never ask me a plastic surgery question again! I have had a size C since I was 11 years old! So one day I will definitely get a lift, but I am waiting until after I have kids. Until then I rely on a great supportive bra! LOL!

All the butt implant rumors are just so not true and now just silly to me. I have answered dozens of times “no I do not have butt implants,” but people just don’t seem to want to believe it!

I have always had an insecurity with my nose… People also have assumed I have had a nose job, but I have not! I look exactly the same as I did when I was a kid, except my nose has grown a little. I hate the bump on the side of my nose, but am way too afraid to mess with my face!

Sure Kim. We found your cheerleader photo taken the year before. Can you say liposuction?

Comments (3)

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John:
Derober is in no position to confirm this rumor right now but we are hearing chatter from people we know well that ‘ol Ashlee might not be as enamored with the Wentz-Bag as it appears. Apparently, there are some pictures of Ashlee with another man lookin’ real cheat-like taken a year ago. If we get these photos we are going to publish the crap out of ‘em. Until then, stay calm and tip your waiter.

Comments (4)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Ok, before I go off the rocker I would like to point out that I’m aware of the fact that a belly button has no real function or purpose to us mortals. It is not essential to sustain life. Having said that, I’d like to say WTF! Are you serious, you’ve had so many tummy tucks, Patricia, that you’re own belly-button has disappeared. Gross!! You know, as far as I know my nipples are worthless to me but you don’t see me lopping them off to get that perfect C-cup I’ve always dreamed of. And you know why, Patricia?? Because my nipples are an essential ingredient for proving that I am in fact human (as astounding as that is). And it’s the same for the belly-button.

In Patricia’s 2002 memoir Motherhood and Hollywood, she claims that her plastic surgeon made her a new belly button during the tummy tuck procedure. “I get to stay in a recovery center for three days and take Percocet, Valium and Ambien all at the same time. That’s right! Who knew? It was as if cutting me open, creating a new belly button and scraping out seven years of scar tissue never happened!”

Congrats Patricia! You look awful.

Comments (2)

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Leo:
Destiny’s Child singer, Kelly Rowland, told People magazine she had plastic surgery to go from an A cup to a B cup.

“I was sick of not fitting into my tops,” she says. “There was this one really hot House of Dereon top — I just wanted to fill that out!”

So for all you younger readers out there, if you don’t fit into your clothes, get bigger tits. It’s the only solution.

Golf clap, Kelly, golf clap.

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Dee:
According to MSN.com Simon Cowell remarked,

“No, absolutely not….I have not had cosmetic surgery.”

when asked about peck implants. But when asked if he had dabbled in face-freezing toxins he said,

“Yes, I have had Botox…but not in an obsessive way.”

Whatevs narcissist.

Leo:
Anyone who injects rat poisoning in their face has balls. Anyone who injects rat poisoning in their balls is retarded.

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