Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
There are two constant facts that are irrefutable in this world. One is that cotton candy is the greatest invention since sliced bread. The other is that David Duchovny is perhaps the most bad ass human being ever to walk the streets of Hollywood. But now all of a sudden the world wants to tailor Duchovny’s behavior by stripping him of his sex addiction. Haters, all of you. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, what Duchovny has is not a disease, it’s a gift. Einstein had the brains, Zeus had the lighting bolts and Duchovny had the balls. But the world became jealous of Duchovny and all that he was able to achieve in a single body and decided that they would take away the single greatest thing about him–his sex addiction. What’s next people…cotton candy? I swear to God in heaven I won’t let you do it. Try it, I f#$king dare you!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Here at Derober, we understand that Gene Hackman isn’t the youngest pod in the pool (78), nor has he done any films in the last 4 years but..c’mon, it’s Gene Hackman! He could could melt butter with a stare, drown a mule with his sweat glands, and bring peace to China with a grin. According to Hackman he might just be officially retired. Gene said about his acting career,

I guess you could call it retired. I haven’t worked for four years now. And I don’t miss the business. I miss the process of being on-set with actors when things get cooking. But there’s so much crapola (crap) in order to get there. It’s just too painful. At my age, they would have me playing grandfathers and great grandfathers. That’s not a heck of a lot of fun. I’d rather go back to the theatre, actually. But that’s not going to happen. I’m pretty satisfied with my life right now. I write every day for at least a couple of hours. I exercise a little bit. And then it’s time for the old folks to go to bed.

It’s not that I’m knocking Gene Hackman–I WORSHIP him. But he is the last of a golden age of true movie legends, in an age when iconic actors are nearly extinct. Come back to us, Gene.

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Leo:
Some girls are teased in grade school because they have braces or acne or a glass eye, but not Jessica Alba -she was teased for something much worse. After falling from heaven at the young age of 13, the fully developed Alba was teased for her, ahem…profile. According to Pagesix.com,

“Jessica Alba knows the trauma of developing a big chest at an early age - she says she was labeled a sixth-grade slut by her elementary school principal and a couple of “self-righteous” PTA moms. “The accusation still ricochets… They think I’m a slut?”

Alba recalls in “If I’d Known Then,” Ellyn Spragins’ upcoming book of essays by female celebrities. Alba adds: “Boys are awful. They are made of nothing but hormones until they’re about 20 or 21… It’s fun to have a crush, but don’t think it’s forever… And use birth control and condoms, please.”

Boy were they wrong. Good thing Jessica is not allegedly cheating on her boyfriend or pregnant…wait-

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Miley Cyrus graced the red carpet at the Grammy’s last night accompanied by 2 gallons of makeup. In case you people forgot, Miley is 15 years old! Someone needs to remind her that makeup is for old women who are hiding imperfections and Geishas -not tweens. She must have lost a bet as no one in their right mind would show up at the Grammy’s done-up as a transvestite.

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My sister Emily went to her prom in a dress made out of duct tape -cause that’s goofy and why the hell not.
Ellen Pompeo showed up at the SAG Awards in a dress made out of aluminum foil -cause that’s comfortable and why the hell?! The Deroberss are not fashionista’s like the gofugyourself.com dynamic duo, but we do know when your outfit is made out of consumer cooking products. Please.

**we also know this is one of our more retarded posts, but we think it is funny and that’s all that matters -now gofugyourself!

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