Derober

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John:
Rihanna showed up at the American Music Awards dresses as a spike. I’m getting mixed messages here. It’s like her cleavage is saying, ‘come close’ and her spikes are saying, ’so I can kill you.’ Decisions, decisions. Also, the first reader to write in and tell me what the fuck an American Music Award gets an ice cream cone with sprinkles. Is an AMA what happens when a Grammy and an MTV Moon Man screw?

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John:
Lindsay Lohan recently got rid of everything she owns except for her nipples and black tank tops. Fine with us. Lindsays carreer isn’t going anywhere so you might as well fall back on the one thing that you still have going for you, your hose-hounds. Rihanna on the other hand just had a little wardrobe malfunction. She has since covered the kittens but these photos will live forever. Forever!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I look at Rihanna’s nipples through her see-through shirt and think to myself, “can I get that with a side of gravy?” Those are monster nipples. Kinda like the giant silver dollar pancakes John Candy makes in the movie Uncle Buck. This is what happens to Irish people’s nipples after their drunken uncle gives them an atomic tittie-twister. Just a swollen mess. I mean, god, I love Rihanna and respect her ‘tits swinging in the wind’ spirit, but when your nipples are bigger than your tits..damn. Put that in a bottle sister, you may have just struck gold…or found a portal to hell. Time will tell.

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Leo:
Some girls are teased in grade school because they have braces or acne or a glass eye, but not Jessica Alba -she was teased for something much worse. After falling from heaven at the young age of 13, the fully developed Alba was teased for her, ahem…profile. According to Pagesix.com,

“Jessica Alba knows the trauma of developing a big chest at an early age - she says she was labeled a sixth-grade slut by her elementary school principal and a couple of “self-righteous” PTA moms. “The accusation still ricochets… They think I’m a slut?”

Alba recalls in “If I’d Known Then,” Ellyn Spragins’ upcoming book of essays by female celebrities. Alba adds: “Boys are awful. They are made of nothing but hormones until they’re about 20 or 21… It’s fun to have a crush, but don’t think it’s forever… And use birth control and condoms, please.”

Boy were they wrong. Good thing Jessica is not allegedly cheating on her boyfriend or pregnant…wait-

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Photo courtesy of perezhilton.com

Rihanna strutted her stuff down the catwalk for the Dsquared2 Spring/Summer 2008 collection presented in Milan, Italy days ago. Spectators said she was captivating and hypnotic. Except for that one guy who criticized her for looking clumsy and amateurish at best. Sources say that same man was found face-down, dead in a gutter somewhere in western LA sooo…Don’t Fuck with Rihanna, that’s all we’re saying.

Bob ‘The Bitch’ says:
I don’t care what anybody says, I vote for Darth Vader everytime

John says:
That’s cause you have no life, Bob.

more at twiigs.com…

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