Derober

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Leo:
FoxNews.com is reporting that Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer in late January and that it has spread to other organs; he has 5 weeks to live. This kind of horrible news would usually ruin my March and drive me to the bottle, but given that Foxnews got their story from the National Enquirer -I’m calling bullshit. We’re not sure which part of the story, if not the whole thing, is bogus; we’re hoping the whole thing. Here’s the “story”, but don’t take our word for it,

For the past month, Patrick, 55, has been traveling to Stanford University’s prestigious cancer center in Palo Alto for radical chemotherapy, but his doctors are no longer optimistic that the treatments will be successful.

Patrick and his wife Lisa Niemi — who both have pilot’s licenses — have been flying their private Beechcraft plane into Palo Alto’s airport, minutes away from the Stanford Cancer Center, where the actor has received outpatient treatment.

He received three doses of chemotherapy and the tumor shrank, but less than his doctors had hoped for — and Patrick was told he should prepare for the end.

“He was told he could have two more treatments, but his cancer was not responding. In short - they held out little hope for a cure,” said an insider.

The man who danced into the hearts of audiences worldwide in the 1980s in Dirty Dancing and then broke them in the poignant love story Ghost in the early ’90s has lost more than 20 pounds in the past few weeks and is restricted to a liquid diet because he has trouble keeping down solid food, added the insider.

“It’s time to start praying for a miracle.”

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Photo courtesy of pagesix.com.
Bob ‘The Bitch’:
We spotted Nicky Hilton shopping yesterday at Christian Louboutin store in L.A., and all we can say is ‘Wow’. Are you kidding me? There is a Hilton girl with more problems than Paris? That’s like telling the victims of Nagasaki, “At least you’re not Hiroshima.” Or telling an AIDS infected person, “At least you weren’t the carrier.” But in all seriousness, anorexia is awful and disgusting. So Nicky, from the bottom of my heart, eat your sister.

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John:
Petra Nemcova is dating Sean Penn. The lovebirds took their romance public at the Oscar after-parties last night. Petra was spotted kissing on Sean while Sean kept an eye out for hookers he might like to pay for sex.
This is like the time your father brings home the hot girl who graduated with you in high school. The one you always wanted. Once the shock wears off, only a homicidal rage remains, ya’ know?

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Photo courtesy of x17online.com.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
You know when it comes to using the ‘brown bag’ I just want to point out that it hurts me more than it hurts the person wearing it. I have to painfully stare at the catastrophe of a mug they call their face as I slowly photoshop that bag on them–AND IT HURTS. So celebrity, next time you’re thinking of going out looking like a troll that just took a shotgun blast to the face, Like Courtnie Love, THINK AGAIN. Lives are at stake here. My life anyways.

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Rapper Eminem, aka Slim Shady, ain’t too slim these days. After a bout of pneumonia over the holidays, Marshall Mathers was released from a Detroit (what!) hospital and his weight has soared to over 200 L-B’s. We won’t see Eminem on Celebrity Fit Club anytime soon as he vows to get back in shape before he really lets himself go. He recently told TMZ,

“I went through a little slacking phase, but I just got back into my regimen last week. So, I eat some nachos, and drink a Mountain Dew, and then I go hit the gym ’cause I just know I F#*@ked up.”

Sounds like a solid plan dipshit -don’t worry about your cholesterol or heart disease.

P.S.
The layman’s Definition of Prader Willie Syndrome is : Continue Reading: Eminem has Prader Willies

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