Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Looks like Derober’s favorite special Olympic couple just got hitched. And how adorable do they look, huh? Like watching two monkeys jack off at the zoo while you slowly peel a banana in front of them. Apparently, ‘The Hills’ stars decided to elope in Mexico over the weekend. And why am I not surprised. Two piles of genetic waist decided that the most fitting place to get married was in the world’s finest waist basket. F#ck off, Paris! No one wants your romantic propaganda when they can get married in a geographical outhouse for free. So kudos to Heidi and Spencer. Your retardation never seizes to amaze me. Now if you don’t mind I’m going to cut off my left ear and down a bottle of Jack and qualudes.

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Last Night, the Derobers sat around drinking Evan Williams and throwing hatchets at Bob ‘the Bitch’. Just as Leo struck a glancing blow on Bob’s knee cap, he turned and said, “I wonder how many times we’ve killed Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt since we started Derober?” We’re about to find out…

It all started over a year ago when we saw Heidi and Spencer having a good time together. We hate when they have fun. It just seemed so natural to have them walking with death. It felt good.

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We kept flirting with the idea…

Then one day it happened. Darby was tired of waiting. The following little diddy was titled, “God I Hate You”

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After that, there was no turning back. We made Heidi and Spencer our own little Kenny from South Park…

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Then things just sorta’ spun out of control…

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We hoped you enjoyed Spencer and Heidi Die as much as we enjoyed killing them. Happy Halloween!
-The Derobers

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John:
Heidi and Spencer are not immortalized on the walls of Wofgang Pucks Beverly Hills restaurant, ‘The Cut.’ I swear you’d lose business if those photos were on the walls of a 7-Eleven. I used to eat at the cut every day. I’d get the Tomato Gnocci Broiche with bolognese. True story.
Now I’m taking my business to Jack In the Box where they have some self respect.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Samantha Ronson announced that it and Lindsey will be married by Christmas. The Sun reports,

Sam used her DJ slot at top LA hotel and night spot Chateau Marmont to announce the news, telling clubbers: “By the end of this year, my love will be Mrs Ronson.”
She added: “Tonight shows the power of a woman – to underestimate that is to underestimate the world.”

I can’t say I’m surprised. It seems the ‘God Particle’ was indeed found by those smart people in Switzerland this week. A Black Hole was created and has already started sucking common sense out of the air. Hopefully, it sucks STD’s and Spencer Pratt out next.

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John:
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have taken grocery shopping to new lows. I met Heidi once at a party and do you know what she said to me? She said, “Ok, nice ta’ meecha’ have a happy day.” It was 10pm at the time but I didn’t want to correct her. Heidi was already chewing gum and trying to walk at the same time and I didn’t want to pile too much on her plate. The poor girl’s head might explode.

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