Do Not Want

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John:
After yesterday’s Reid bikini disaster, Tara comes back for more punishment. I guess she figured if she went more colorful this time around it would look better, kinda’ like when people put little top hats on elephants. I know Tara’s all cracked out and doesn’t care anymore and I sorta’ respect her for that. Like, when I’m 90 years old I’m just gonna crap my pants all day ’cause who gives a f*ck, ya’ know. I guess what I’m saying is that Tara Reid is a 90 year-old elephant.

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You can get a good look at a steak by stickin your head up a bull’s ass, but I’d rather take the butcher’s word for it.

Darby Gunpowder:
Have you ever smelled a foul queef and then thought to yourself, man, I’m kinda hungry? Tara Ried in a bikini has the same effect on me. I’m supposed to be grossed out by her alien tummy, but instead my eyes shift skyward to her massive mammaries and all is right with the world. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t touch her with a 20 foot pole at the risk of getting blindsided by a rogue scalpel.

Update: In all the alien-tummy/booby talk, we failed to recognize Tara’s cavernous camel toe. She is like fine art, the longer you stare at it, the more you discover.

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Only magic will help Tara Reid and magic isn’t real

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John:
Tara Reid is holding the ship together with duct tape at this point. Here she is at the beach looking all sexy for the cameras. I can’t stress this enough but I used to have a huge crush on Tara. I wanna’ go back in time 6 years and talk to my misguided self and explain Tara’s bleak future. Then I’ll suggest that perhaps having a crush Emma Watson might be better and yes she’s only 12 now and that’s creepy but stick with it, she’s going to be the real deal.

~ Reid and JC Chavez together is a nuclear mess~

Photoshop helps Tara Reid sleep at night.

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Ewe.

Tara Reid is like fine wine

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Tara Reid has been putting in bikini-overtime making sure she is within shutter-sight 24 hours a day. Here she is again in Bali posing for photographers. We are told the photo shoot was for Ethan Allen’s Home Sweet Home Collection. It’s their best smelling leather chair they’ve ever made, just like grandpa used to own.