Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Katy Perry might not be the brightest bulb of the bunch. She might not have a face that smart people brag about. She might not even play for the right team. But damn does she have a body that just won’t quit. I suspect that those breasts, if analyzed closely, could be the cure for AIDS. That ass could solve the hunger issues in Africa. If Katy Perry walked up to me and held my hand I might finally learn how to write good. That or the other thing, jizz my pants and forget who I am for a half an hour. Either way it would be spectacular and good for a chuckle or two. Katy Perry for President in 2012. I’ll buy that.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Traci Bingham may be a no talent hack but damn does she have a tit train that just won’t quit. I’ve never seen such a rudimentary chore like taking out the trash look so sexy. I mean what’s next, models that take ordinary tasks like brushing their teeth and doing the laundry and making them look as sexy as possible?…Wait…..wait a second…I smell a sitcom. Did I seriously just create NBC’s next reality TV hit show? Damn if I didn’t. But what to call such a monster hit? Here are a short list of titles off the top of my head:
-Whores and chores
-Sexy reality
-A day in the life of my wife
-Sex and the titty
-Work blows and so does she
-Sex, lies, and grocery lists
-Take out the paper and the ass
-Model This
-Strippers off the clock
-Tit-train with biscuit wheels does the news
-NAM NAM NAM
–Is it Sunday yet?

If you have anymore suggestions, by all means keep them to yourself.

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John:
Liz Hurley showed up at the Global Illumination event in London with some global illumination of her own. Yes, that is a dead clown in her cleavage. Some people thought he was diving for pearls. Nope, dead. I don’t know if Liz has an actual acting career to speak of. She seems to be frittering her time away at social events trying to score some blow and another acting job. As long as she does it with her rack spilling out onto the red carpet, I don’t give a shit what she does or what Mariachi band she does it with.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Oh, so that’s where my rubber chicken went. Lindsay Lohan’s tits are a natural phenomenon. They’re like Silly Putty. They fluctuate in size, shape, and overall smell depending on the mold of Lindsay’s body frame. Seriously, when Lindsay is in one of her ‘thin-to-win’ phases her boobs look like something I would see in a National Geographic magazine. But when she gets in her current ‘brick house’ phase it looks like she’s toting around two jam filled bowling balls. I don’t know what to think anymore so I’m going to stop trying. But to quote Rocky 4 (the hands down best Rocky), “If I can change…and you can change…..Everybody can change!” I guess that’s the only way to look at Lohan’s can-cans.

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John:
Elizabeth Hurley is hot. I’ll defend her hotness until she shrivels and/or is no longer hot. But I have a beef with her today. Liz is shown arriving for the Pink Ribbon Charity Ball to support Breast Cancer. So where are her breasts?  Before you go thinking I’m an asshole, I am. And I want to see those turbo-charged, bonkers, MILF titties hanging onto a skimpy dress for dear life like they did in that one awesome movie, Bedazzled. And if anybody tells me Bedazzled isn’t an epic boob masterpiece, I will bear-chest man fight you to the death. Fact.

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