Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This is the Paris Hilton that God intended. Eyes sunken, clothes tattered, expressionless and surrounded by men who loot all over her. You get the picture. But somewhere along the lines heaven’s angels must have lost Paris’ file in the cracks and so in their own guilt they decided that Paris would inherit the earth–literally. Big mistake. In these pics Paris can be seen promoting My New BFF with a look of retarded bliss on her face. The kind of face you like to imagine a horse bucking with its hoofs, or you know a sledge hammer bashing with its… sledge hammerness. I personally don’t think Paris would make for a good stripper because the whole limp and lifeless dead fish body of hers. But hey it makes for a good visual. Am I right on this one?

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Ahaa, it always comes back to those juggs. Those things are an island in a sea of oil. A place of refuge in a nuclear holocaust. Beacons of hope on a planet of cellulite, cheese and plastic. But I digress. Kim Kardashian though a monster and the object of a personal vendetta against her ass, on my part, sure does know how to put her best foot forward. These recent calender wall pics of Kim show that despite being soulless and without a moral compass Kim isn’t without a brain. And that’s good. Because sometimes all we can tell our daughters is that no matter what happens, no matter how dumb or ugly you are, no matter how much common sense and savvy you lack, there’s always a chance for redemption through those lady lumps. And if you can’t grow em, own em. Done and done.

The more you know. By Bob ‘The Bitch.’

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Hey everybody, don’t look now but Hilary Duff will take your father out for a nice seafood dinner and NEVER CALL HIM AGAIN. That’s right, she’s an adult now. And just to bury the hatchet on this little tid-bit Hilary decided to sex it up in the newest issue of Maxim magazine. The pics are sort of hot if you don’t have access to internet porn or if you live in the hills somewhere. I say lets dispense with this Sesame street cleavage bull-sh@$ and go straight to the theatre of the absurd. You know, the kind where you’d catch Hilary jamming a fruit basket up her vagina while taking a bucket of urine to the face. And if that doesn’t get you off then you’re NO friend of mine.

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Darby Gunpowder:
After taking my gaze from Adriana’s eye’s, I noticed her chesticles appear larger than normal -trust me, I would know. I own stock in Victoria’s Secret and was on the Miracle Bra committee. These results are off the charts. I am beginning to think that VS went behind my back to create the Beta version of the UberMiraclest Bra. Bastards.
The only other logical explanation is that Adriana is indeed pregnant. This is not a rumor I am willing to start unless there was a chance it was my love child -and this is not the case…yet.

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John:
If you guessed a 1970’s Barberosa Double-Wide, you guessed correctly. I know I went with the obvious here but I just call it like I see it. Kendra Wilkinson is judging a bikini competition in the Bahamas because somebody paid her to. I can’t blame the girl for making a buck while she’s still Wal-Mart hot. In 10 years, the she’ll be signing autographs for old men at power tool conventions for $5 a pop.

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