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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Amy Winehouse never seizes to amaze me. She’s just so paleolithically ugly that she’s starting to turn me on for all the wrong reasons. It’s kind of like staring at the sun or a kid with down syndrome, you know it’s wrong but you do it anyways. In this gem of a photo you can see Amy without the Beehive wig which apparently is used for covering bald patches on her head (see pictures below). I just hope she can pull herself together so that she can be reunited with her drug dealer husband, Blake Fielder-Civil. After all, how else am I going to have fun with this blog if I can’t do weekly posts of the Flintstones smoking pebble rocks?? I put it to you.

For more on the Paleolithic one.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Dina Lohan may or may be possessed by the devil herself. In filming her new reality shit-show, Living Lohan, Dina was captured by photogos in some ceremonial death-soul-quenching-convulsion-dance at a Harlem church. During the dance she transformed from a dainty MILF to the spawn of Satan: The Crypt Keeper. Her other daughter, Ali, sat quietly in the corner crying while drinking goats blood from a hollowed out skull.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
For those of you who haven’t seen the Shakespearean classic Say Anything, starring John Cusack, you’re missing out. In it John plays a creepy guy who stalks his ex girlfriend by toting a beat-box radio outside the girl’s house. Some would say it’s a romantic comedy but I think it’s up for interpretation. Either way, in an ironic twist of life imitating art, John has a stalker of his own named Emily Leatherface Leatherman. The authorities were called to his home when a cab driver reported that a nasty bitch passenger was refusing to pay the fare for a ride to that area. When deputies approached the scene, they were flagged down by Cusack, who told them he recognized the woman in the cab and that she had been stalking him.
He went on to tell the officer that he was piss-ass drunk when he first hooked up with Emily and joked that she was like a snowmobile–fun to ride but too embarrassing to tell his friends. Leatherman is currently being held in lieu of $150,000 bail. Which we all know she doesn’t have.

Below are photos of some of Hollywood’s elite stars who wear ActiveClear before every mugshot.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Winehouse claims her cat terrorized her arms causing massive cuts, but we all recognize those scrapes from the sharp branches of the ugly tree.
We would have posted these sick-tastic photos of Amy Winehouse yesterday but our guilt-ridden conscience was overpowering -that’s not true, we were just lazy.

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Leo:
Just a reminder, you automatically get 1 point on the Hot Scale of you are famous. You also automatically get another point if you have a foreign accent. So by default, Amy Winehouse has 2 gimme points on the Hot Scale. Winehouse could not afford to lose a point, but she did with her recent outbreak of impetigo, a skin disease that consists of hideousness. Mayo Clinic’s actual definition is,

“Impetigo starts as a red sore that quickly ruptures, oozes for a few days and then forms a yellowish-brown crust that looks like honey or brown sugar. The disease is highly contagious, and scratching or touching the sores is likely to spread the infection to other parts of the body as well as to other people.”

Mayo omitted the fact that millions of crab eggs hatch inside your face and burst through your cheek. This is all true.

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