Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Last night on Leno, Minnie Driver dropped the bomb that she is pregnant. People were aghast. Tabloids have been running rampant. But as the father of Minnie Driver’s child I knew this was coming. I’ve been holed up in the Beverly Hills Hotel for the last 3 days in a drunken stupor. If there’s anyone out there reading this now, please send water and condiments to room 313. And maybe call an ambulance.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This may be nothing, but just yesterday Avril Lavigne and hubby Deryck Whibley shopped for baby items at Beverly Hills baby shop, Petite Tresor. But is she pregnant? You never can tell these days. Personally, I think Avril is just that bored. I can imagine the conversation. “Hey Avril, what should we do today?” “Mmm, maybe go shopping Hun?” “Sure, but where, Avril?” “…Baby store??” “Hey I’m stoned, why the F@#% not.”

And that’s how Avril’s Monday went

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Dee:
With a slew of women getting pregnant these days it seems only fitting that Gwen Stefani should be added to the spectarded list. When we looked for a quote from Gavin , he was nowhere to be found. Which begs the question (or not), is he really the father?? Probably, but I’m bored so I’ll ask anyways.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Dee, what’s with all the hostility today. Pregnancy can be a beautiful thing. Like blind men in orgies, or midgets at urinals, there’s beauty all around us. Embrace it…embrace it.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Teen queen, and notorious bad tipper, Hilary Duff is starting to look awfully robust in the chestal region as of late. Now, I couldn’t say, with ANY amount of certainty, that she had breast implants installed, but what I can say is that the thought of two water balloons used instead of implants brings a frightful tear of joy to my eye. Sometimes the Derober X-Ray machine is more than just insightful; sometimes, dare I say, it’s just plain fun.

Leo:
So you have no frame of reference, Bob. You’re like a child who wanders in the middle of a movie –What’s my point? Bob you probably think boobs, real or fake, feel like water balloons. I’m with ya Hillary -water balloons or not.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’ says:
According to the Italian Media Angelina Jolie is pregnant again. No shit, sorry Brad. You admitted you wanted to be a father, little did you know when you signed up to be the father of Angelina’s children you would be running a day-care clinic. Watch out for boobie traps and always keep your hands firmly cupped around your testicles, because if this kid turns out to be anything like her mother than she’s bound to be a demonic spawn who cuts herself. Definitely, not to be trusted.

John:
Bob, what’s the weather like on fantasy island? I’ll bet it’s sunny and warm. Have you seen Anglelina lately? She’s so thin I don’t know what I’m looking at half the time. The baby would have to carry Angelina around. Don’t know how this load of crap made it from Italy to here. But leave it to Bob to believe any of it.

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